WHY ME, DEAR LORD?
MY TESTIMONY BEGINS FROM A VERY EARLY AGE. RAISED IN ELKO, NV. BY BAPTIST PARENTS, I'M THE MIDDLE OF 5 CHILDREN. IT SEEMS MY DAYS WERE NUMBERED BEFORE I REACHED 2 YRS OLD. SUFFERING FROM ADRENALINE DEFICIENCY, MY PARENTS WERE TOLD THAT I WOULD NOT LIVE TO SEE 5 YEARS AND I WAS, IN FACT, DECLARED DEAD AT THE EARLY AGE OF 3. MY WEAKENED SYSTEM COULD NOT HANDLE THE SHOCK OF DAILY LIFE THAT ADRENALINE SUPPORTS WITHOUT OUR EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. GOING IN TO CONSTANT CONVULSIONS, BEING RUSHED TO AND LIVING IN HOSPITAL CRIBS, STARING OUT THE WINDOW WATCHING ALL THE OTHER CHILDREN PLAYING WITHOUT ME . . . THESE ARE MY EARLIEST MEMORIES IN LIFE. WHY ME, DEAR LORD?
BY GOD'S GRACE AND MERCY ALONE I AM ALIVE TODAY. I BELIEVE THIS BECAUSE MY DOCTORS JUST DIDN'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT MY CONDITION TO COMBAT IT WITH THEIR KNOWLEDGE AT THAT TIME. I AM TOLD THAT MY NAME IS ON A PLAQUE AT THE BOSTON INSTITUTE OF RESEARCH AS 1 OF 13 PATIENTS THAT SURVIVED THIS CONDITION DURING OUR OLD FAMILY DOCTOR'S CAREER. WHY ME, DEAR LORD?
MY ENTIRE FAMILY SANG OR PLAYED INSTRUMENTS IN CHURCH. MY FIRST PUBLIC SOLO WAS “AWAY IN A MANGER”. I, WAS 5 YRS OLD! I LOVED SINGING FOR THE LORD AND I ASKED TO BE BAPTIZED WHEN I WAS 10. I KNEW BY THEN THAT GOD HAD SPARED ME FOR SOME SPECIAL REASON. WHY ME, DEAR LORD?
SO YOU SEE I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN THE LORD . . . WAS RAISED WITH HIM THROUGHOUT MY CHILDHOOD. BUT I FELL OUT OF MY FAITH AROUND 14 YRS OLD. I WATCHED PAINFULLY AS MY PARENTS SHATTERED MY SECURE WORLD WITH A DIVORCE WHEN I WAS 12. IT FELL UPON ME TO ME TO BE THE COOK, HOUSEKEEPER WHEN WE 3 ELDEST STAYED WITH FATHER AND MOTHER TOOK THE TWO YOUNGER ONES AWAY. I NEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT THE DATE RAPE WHEN I WAS 14. I WAS QUITE NEARLY BEATEN TO DEATH AT 15. I HAD A CHILD BY 16 & MY FIRST FAILED MARRIAGE BY 18. WHY ME, DEAR LORD?
AFTER 3 MARRIAGES (OF WHICH ONE LEFT ME A WIDOW) AND THE RAISING OF 2 SONS, SOME 30+ YEARS LATER THE LORD BROUGHT MY ALLAN IN TO MY LIFE. HE INTRODUCED ME TO THE WAY MINISTRIES AND I FINALLY FOUND MY WAY BACK TO MY FAITH. I WAS SOON TO LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVING THE LORD AND RELIGION. WHY ME, DEAR LORD?
I HAVE ONLY ONE REGRET AS AN ADULT AND THAT IS, THAT I DID NOT RAISE MY OWN CHILDREN TO KNOW OF GOD'S LOVE . . . TO RECOGNIZE HIS GRACE AND TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO HAVE HIS MERCY LAID UPON THEIR LIVES. . . TO HAVE FAITH BEYOND ALL MEASURE. I'VE WATCHED ONE SON SPEND 4 YRS IN PRISON AND AM NOW WATCHING ANOTHER SABOTAGE HIS LIFE BY HIS ACTIONS. I SPEAK TO GOD FREQUENTLY ABOUT THIS MATTER. WHY ME, DEAR LORD?
I WILL NEVER FORSAKE MY LORD AGAIN. HE TELLS ME THAT I'M A MIGHTY WOMAN OF GOD! THAT
I HAVE A GIFT OF SONG AND IT'S TO BE SHARED WITH OTHERS TO HELP BRING THEM CLOSER
TO HIM. PSALM 28: 6-
Mary Clausen
