When I was a kid, our family would go to church every Sunday morning. I don’t remember
it but I was even baptized, and I have the certificate to prove it! Of course when
you’re as young as I was when it happened you have no idea what it really means to
be baptized. As a teen I came to understand what it meant to be baptized and to
be a Christian, but like a lot of teenagers I had better things to do. I couldn’t
wait to get out of my parents house, not that there was anything wrong with my parents,
but I was young and I knew everything. Really, I pretty much just wanted to be in
control my own life and not have to answer to anyone. It wasn’t until I was in my
30’s when I hit my first 911 God moment. I had been married for 7 years when I found
myself and my wife struggling to make things work. Once again I started living with
only me in mind trying to fill the holes that we, as a couple, had created from many
years of neglecting each other. One Sunday after a particularly bad week I went
to church. My brother in-law was there and greeted me at the door. Before he could
say a word I broke down. I’d had enough, I had finally come to the realization that
living for me just wasn’t working and no matter what I did - I wasn’t happy. That
was the day I asked Jesus to come into my heart and make me whole again, and just
as He has promised He did. My wife and I finally figured things out after about
a year and we found our way back together. Life was looking up, but as had happened
in the past I turned my back on God. My wife didn’t believe that you needed to go
to church to believe in God, so little by little I fell back into living my life
the way I wanted. Then came the day I got the phone call that changed my life forever
- my wife, while on her way to work, was killed in a high speed chase. A felon was
fleeing the police when he slammed into her car at 70 miles an hour, pushing her
car over 50 feet into a tree. Let me tell you, there is no way you can prepare yourself
for anything like that! I thank God for my family and friends who helped me through
that time of my life. It was about two months later and everyone had gone back to
their lives and jobs. That’s when it hit me - I was alone! Our son who is in the
military was, at the time, stationed thousands of miles away. The house was empty
and quiet. I can remember crying myself to sleep many nights. Then one day I was
sitting on my front porch crying and asking God, “Why me? What did I do to deserve
this?” I began to pray, “God I can’t do this, I don’t know how to live without her?
How I will make it all alone?” At that very instant I was overcome with complete
joy, a joy like no other I had ever experienced. My burden was lifted and my heart
began to sing as I was quietly reminded I am never alone - God is always there for
us. He is never so far away that He cannot hear us when we call upon Him; He waits
for us, even longs for us, to return to Him. Then, after feeling like a third wheel
with all my friends, I was introduced to Sandi, my angel here on earth. We married
in March of 2005 and it has been awesome from day one. However, on a personal level,
it was also a very difficult time. I was dealing with the guilt that I had for being
so happy. I wasn’t sure it was okay for me to be as happy as I had become in my
new life with my new wife. I struggled for a long time with how my life is now in
respect to how it was. I was happy in my first marriage and we made things work,
but this time my wife is a gift from God, and when He gives you a gift it is designed
perfectly for you. My life now is so much better than I could ever have imagined.
All I can say is that when you allow God to work in your life and open yourself
up to do His work He will bless you and when He does it is good.
Consider it pure Joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because
you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must
finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James
1: 2-3
Craig Rowland
